Wind up Bumble Boxing

In a previous blog, I compared shopping at Thriftko to dumpster diving. I originally intended that metaphor to describe my experience at Tuesday Morning, but after braving through what Thriftko has to offer, I can honestly say that Tuesday Morning might as well be Saks Fifth Avenue compared to Thriftko.

Tuesday Morning is a closeout retailer. They sell the stuff that other stores couldn’t. Each item inside a Tuesday Morning bears a sticker listing three prices: regular price, sale price and Tuesday Morning’s price. Everything sold at Tuesday Morning is severely discounted and they let you know it; both by price and the condition of their stores.

To be fair, not all Tuesday Mornings are created equal. You may very well encounter a location with orderly shelves and products in their correct aisle. However, you’re more likely to find the stores resemble a child’s play room, minus any sort of parental supervision. It’s sort of fun, though. It makes shopping like a treasure hunt.

Our definition of what constitutes treasure may vary, but I would gladly take a pirate’s chest full of today’s blopit (blog topic): Wind up Bumble Boxing!

“The ultimate 80’s wind ups are back for a boxing match you’ll never forget! Bumble Boxing combines knockout laughter with and old school punch. Who will be the next great boxing champ? Wind up your boxer and let the fight begin… it could go the distance, a full 12 rounds!”

That’s an exciting combination of words, but it doesn’t tell me much about who the bumble boxers are. Why should I care about one of them becoming champ? I don’t even know their names! If I can’t make a connection with these combatants then you can forget about this being a match I’ll never forget, because I won’t even remember it.

Since the text on the box does little to define the personality of our adversaries, it’s up to us to fill in these blank slates. Right off the bat, it’s impossible to ignore the family resemblance. They could be identical twins if it wasn’t for Blue’s pasty white skin. Perhaps he is the product of his mother’s lusty, Guinness-fueled romp with an alabaster skinned Irishman.

Blue (or “Lucky” because sports nicknames are often ironic and/or mean) was abandoned at an orphanage until the age of 12 when he was deemed “unadoptable”. Lucky scraped by on the pittance he collected for brawling in illegal street fights that made cock fighting look humane. Lucky would eventually scrounge together enough cash for a trip to America where he hoped to find his biological mother.

Red is Rocky Balboa.

Now that our bumble boxers have a back story, their bout for the championship will be all the more interesting.

A picture is worth a thousand words and one second of video is made up of 30 pictures (frames), so a three minute video is worth more than five million words. Rather than accelerate my inevitable arthritis, I made a video to illustrate just how great the bumble boxers are. I even scored the video to the music of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out! for the Nintendo Entertainment System.