Amazon's Most Expensive Items

Hey big spender, the holiday gift giving season may be several months away, but if you plan on having any of these items under the tree come Holiday morning, then your broke ass will want to start saving now.

Are you under constant threat of lion attack? Then the Proporta Elephant Camouflage kit may be for you. Proporta uses their “Clear Blue Sky Disappearing Technology” to help you literally vanish into thin air, allowing you to “evade dangerous predators, tourists and boring guests at tea and bun parties”. It’s unclear if this elephant camouflage is an elephant shaped suit for expeditionists hoping to get an up close look at some nature or if this item is aimed at actual elephants who are looking for a little peace and quiet. You can find out yourself for a mere $1,484,423.95.

I don’t own Kindle and if Selected Nuclear Materials and Engineering’s $6,431.20 price tag is an indication of how much it costs to read books on a calculator, I think I will stick to paperbacks—or nothing, as the case my be.

The Ultrafin Stirrup is perfect for that aspiring OBGYN in your family. For only $8,426, little Johnny can get a leg up on the competition. Ultrafin’s reinforced rod and joint assembly and flexible boot allows the system to accommodate patients weighing upwards of 800 pounds; but that’s disgusting. The Ultrafin Stirrup is found in the Beauty section of Amazon alongside Osmo Essence’s Blinding Shine Illuminating Finisher, which can be yours for a reasonable $19,318 per 4.2 ounces.

Supposedly a diamond is a girl’s best friend, but for $685,380, this Certified Diamond better promise to be more than friends. The diamond is described as pear shaped, but it looks more like a tear to me, which is appropriate if the lady you give this to turns you down. Almost 700 thousand dollars may sound like a lot of money for something you’re buying from Amazon, but keep in mind that this item does qualify for free shipping.

Ordering food on-line has never sounded appetizing to me, but even I have to agree that this $8,020.32 Iranian Asetra 000 Caviar Malossol looks delicious. I think if I was paying more than 8 thousand dollars for a snack, I would be more inclined to lock it away in a safe rather than put it next to the mustard in the fridge. Luckily for hypothetical me, Amazon lists this $180,000 Traum Heirloom Safe. I would buy this safe, but I’m holding out for the temperature controlled version. Also, the combined value of everything I own is considerably less than the cost of the safe.