Shrunken Apple Heads

This year's Halloween countdown was not all I hoped it would be, but let's try to finish strong with tonight's entry: Shrunken Apple Heads!

Orange Snowballs

This is a Publix snowball. It is orange - for Halloween. Probably.

I know it looked more like a cheese ball in that first photo, but hopefully this shot will convince you that it is indeed a ball of frosting with a tiny cake center. I don't know if they have Publix grocery stores outside of Florida, but I know they don't have them up north where you can find actual snowballs. Stores only found in certain regions are interesting to me. We didn't have Target stores in New England for most of my life. If you can even call that living.

I feel ashamed even calling this a Halloween blog, so here's a sneak peek at a legit Halloween activity. The final product won't be ready for a few days still, but bonus points to anyone who can guess what we're doing.

Trick or Tree

While we are examining the messed up stuff going on outside my window, what the hell is wrong with this tree?

If your eyes are having troubling understanding what they're looking at, let me try to explain. One of the trees in a cluster seems to have birthed a devil spawn. It's like its pimple grew a pimple. I don't know how this happened or how long it took, but for a long time we thought it was some sort of bees nest, so we avoided it at all cost. If the other trees weren't there to suppress its growth, there's no telling how large the anomaly would have grown.

Has anyone witnessed a tree with this type of growth before? Although not nearly as interesting, my tree reminds me of the blogs from The Sneeze where they observed and eventually ate the brain-like fungus growing from a tree outside their home. I would offer to eat this, but it's hard and totally unappetizing. Plus I think the baby devil is maturing inside. Maybe I'll eat him when he's ready.

Horrors Outdoors

I was taking my dog to do his business when I noticed there was a dinosaur in the pond.

Go ahead and click that picture to enlarge it. Look at its head. It looks like someone peeled the flesh off a pterodactyl. What the hell is going on there?

Look at that wingspan! The beast was circling around small whales, tricking hippos into thinking the tips of its wings were all they had to worry about before snapping up entire schools of dolphins in its enormous beak. I thought I had seen the worst, but I wasn't prepared for what came next.

It peed! Have you ever seen a bird pee? It was like someone turned a fire truck's hose on full blast. It caused the entire continent of Pangaea to rise 16 millimeters. The power of the stream drilled a hole through the center of the earth to China.

I need to consult my bird identification book.

Hallo-meme Costumes - Antoine Dodson

I have never been a big fan of the bagged, all-in-one costumes. For me, it's not a real costume until you've made your first trip to the thrift store and poured your first bottle of RIT dye. With that in mind, I have decided to outline winning costume ideas that you couldn't buy from the store, even if you wanted to.

You may not have heard the term meme (pronounced like 'beam') before, but you know what an Internet meme is. Memes are those viral videos that your friends spam to all of their e-mail contacts. They're quick and dirty, but they're funny or disturbing and there's just something about them that makes you want to click 'forward'.

I will be detailing both new and classic memes and what it will take to recreate those looks for your own Halloween parties. Don't worry about any of the costumes being too obscure. The cool people at your party will recognize who you're supposed to be and those who don't will be too ashamed to ask.

Up first-

Antoine Dodson

Hide your kids, hide your wife! Antoine Dodson was interviewed by a local NBC affiliate after an alleged home invasion and attack on his sister. Antoine wagged his finger in the face of all would-be attackers as he verbally berated the attempted assailant for being so dumb and leaving his t-shirt behind (from which Antoine assures the television audience that he will be able to extract finger prints).

The footage from the newscast started to go viral on its own, but when Auto-Tune the News stepped in and set Antoine's words to music, the whole world was suddenly singing "hide your kids, hide your wife."

An Antoine Dodson costume will require a black a-shirt, a red bandanna and a bountiful afro wig. But dressing as Antoine is only half the battle. If you want to parade around your party proclaiming your guests are "so dumb" then you better have the attitude to back it up. Antoine is one charismatic individual. Despite the simplicity of this costume's physical requirements, Antoine Dodson may actually be one of the more difficult costumes to pull off.

Bedroom Intruder (original newscast)

Bed Intruder (auto-tuned version)