As you may remember, Sara Lee ran out of Buzz Lightyear lunch boxes before I could get mine; my Toy Story 3 Alien light and Hamm bank from Kellogg's have been lost in postal limbo for the past month; and M&M's never sent me the free bag of Pretzel M&M's they promised me on Facebook!
Today the mailman (who always double parks behind the three cars closest to the mailboxes) left me a small padded envelope in my mailbox. The envelope was sent from Nature's Bounty. That name didn't ring a bell, but the envelope was addressed to me (or current resident), so I knew it had to be important.
Inside was this tiny green digital clock.
Twenty-three o'clock? You certainly get what you pay for. Wait, maybe it's set to army time. Wait some more, there's a tiny piece of folded-up paper in the envelope as well.
Oh, now I see. According to this instructional pamphlet, this is actually a "Mini Pedo-Meter". Thanks for the intel, instructional pamphlet. You have served your purpose and can now be thrown away without a second thought.
From what I can gather, a Pedo-Meter measures the distance between you and the nearest pedo. Does that mean that my "Mini Pedo-Meter" will only measure mini-pedos? I suppose they are the sneakiest.
If this Pedo-Meter is to be believed, the nearest pedo is 38.251 somethings away. I hope that's miles. If they are any closer than that, aren't they required to tell us?
Update: I have been informed that a pedometer is primarily used to measure the steps you have taken.
I have to admit feeling somewhat silly now. I actually remembered that my girlfriend and I each purchased this pedometer a while back. They worked really well for about a year. Then the battery died and we were faced with making a decision between buying replacement batteries or never again knowing how many steps we have taken. Sometimes you are rewarded for procrastination.
I put the pedometer on my dog because I'm more interested in how many steps he takes in a day. Do I have to multiply the number by two because he has two sets of legs?
