Halloween Blogstravaganza - Truth Lies Six Feet Under

There are plenty of ghouls getting hitched this Halloween. This happy couple is just one example of the many matrimonial adornments I have already unearthed this season. You can find this pair hanging alongside the undead ensemble at Big Lots. At fifteen dollars each, they're not quite the great deal the ensemble is, but who can put a price tag on true love?

On a related note-

My girlfriend is somewhat of a compulsive liar; specifically in situations where the truth would suffice.

A couple years back, when my girlfriend and I were living up North, we planned a pilgrimage to Salem, Massachusetts on Halloween. The area is historic for the Salem witch trials and subsequent Salem witch burnings that took place around what is now present day Salem. Throughout October, scores of costumed out-of-towners swarm upon the normally sleepy town, but to be present on Halloween proper is to witness a special kind of spectacle.

When my girlfriend requested the day off from her job, she - for reasons known only to her - felt that going to Salem on Halloween wasn't a good enough excuse to miss work. (Keep in mind that, at no point, did anyone ask her why she was taking a day off.) Instead, she constructed an elaborate fib that had us attending a Halloween themed wedding in Salem. How romantic.

The lie itself was believable enough on its own (again, no one ever asked), but my girlfriend wanted proof (albeit fabricated) to back up her embellishment. She assumed that since we were attending a wedding, her co-workers would naturally bug her to see photos from the event (they didn't).

To accommodate her co-workers' hypothetical request, my girlfriend proceeded to print out photos she found on the internet of an actual Halloween-themed wedding. Not the wedding of anyone we know, mind you, but a Halloween-themed wedding none the less.

Their cake looked delicious!

Halloween Blogstravaganza - Subliminal Pac-Man

Pac-Man, as we know him, was originally intended to be named Puck Man in the United States, after "paku-paku", the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound made by opening and closing one's mouth. However, the game's creators were concerned that the name "Puck Man" would be too easily vandalized. (Source: Scott Pilgrim vs the World)

Despite appearances to contrary, this is not Pac-Man; but "Inflatable Runaway Ghosts" are not fooling anyone. These three ghosts might as well be wearing name tags that read Blinky, Pinky and Inky (Clyde not seen here), because there is no way to objectionably look at this box art and not associate the characters with Pac-Man.

Even the font they chose for the "trick or treat" banner looks similar to the blocky "game over" you inevitably see after losing your last life.

Actually, upon closer examination, nowhere does it mention that the Pac-o-lantern is even included with this set. If Walmart expects me to pay 50-dollars for three gumdrop shaped, Pac-imposter ghosts, then they have another think coming.

Epilogue: I wasn't sure about the idiom I chose for that last sentence, so I googled what, I thought, was the actual phrase; "they have another thing coming." Apparently the correct expression is think, not thing, which I think is stupid. I also thought it was "wise tales" instead of "wives' tales".

Normally I could care less, but--dammit, that's another one!

Non Denominational October Holiday Blogstravaganza

Christmas may be the de facto holiday of choice for most, but tinsel and ribbon can't hold a candy corn-scented candle to giant inflatable jackolanterns and animatronic dancing skeletons. For that reason (and more) I have decided to dedicate the next 8-12 weeks of blog entries to celebrating the holiday that somehow makes me even more excited to shop at Target: Halloween!

Some may say that the first week of September is too early to start celebrating Halloween. But some people like Justin Bieber. You can't let the opinions of others direct your life. If you want to buy zombie wall hangings in September, then you go right ahead. Target, Walmart and Big Lots have your back.

Speaking of the latter, our first Halloween Blogtravaganza entry comes from the land of discount home furnishings; Big Lots. For me at least, Target has become the go-to store for devilish decor, but Big Lots have really stepped up their game this year.

This trio of hanging horrors are legitimately spooky. Most mainstream stores tend to cater to the silly or cute side of Halloween, but Big Lots is clearly going for the throat with their selection. I think the zombie in the middle is supposed to be screaming, but it looks more like he's belting out a powerful note in an all-living-dead opera.

These guys are about 12-inches tall from the tips of their rotting heads to the bottom of their flowing robes. Their arms are made of bendy wire, so you can pose them in all sorts of evil or embarrassing positions. They're only 5 bucks, so you should buy all three and keep the family together.