Gummy Face Returns

If you thought the Halloween Blogstravaganza was over, then you're dead wrong (and a little too presumptuous.)

If I had it my way, Halloween would be observed seven days later on November 7th. Not only would this allow for an extra week of celebrating, but it would also encourage more generosity as far as candy is concerned. At full price, you get one "fun size" Snickers, but if that same candy is on sale for 75% off, suddenly every house is pouring bite sized morsels into trick-or-treat bags as they prompt kids to "say when!"

It's something to think about.

Speaking of thinking - who remembers the Gummy Face from Walmart I wrote about way back in mid-September? I wasn't willing to pony up the $5 Walmart was asking for at the time, but now that everything in black and orange packaging only costs one-forth of what it originally sold for, I can't help myself!

This is how most people know the Gummy Face - safely hidden behind a layer of protective plastic. Before today, this was all I knew of the Gummy Face as well, but that has all changed. Follow me on my journey to center of the gummy earth as we dissect and devour the squishy knowledge within.

Happy Halloween

Shrunken Apple Heads

This year's Halloween countdown was not all I hoped it would be, but let's try to finish strong with tonight's entry: Shrunken Apple Heads!

Orange Snowballs

This is a Publix snowball. It is orange - for Halloween. Probably.

I know it looked more like a cheese ball in that first photo, but hopefully this shot will convince you that it is indeed a ball of frosting with a tiny cake center. I don't know if they have Publix grocery stores outside of Florida, but I know they don't have them up north where you can find actual snowballs. Stores only found in certain regions are interesting to me. We didn't have Target stores in New England for most of my life. If you can even call that living.

I feel ashamed even calling this a Halloween blog, so here's a sneak peek at a legit Halloween activity. The final product won't be ready for a few days still, but bonus points to anyone who can guess what we're doing.

Trick or Tree

While we are examining the messed up stuff going on outside my window, what the hell is wrong with this tree?

If your eyes are having troubling understanding what they're looking at, let me try to explain. One of the trees in a cluster seems to have birthed a devil spawn. It's like its pimple grew a pimple. I don't know how this happened or how long it took, but for a long time we thought it was some sort of bees nest, so we avoided it at all cost. If the other trees weren't there to suppress its growth, there's no telling how large the anomaly would have grown.

Has anyone witnessed a tree with this type of growth before? Although not nearly as interesting, my tree reminds me of the blogs from The Sneeze where they observed and eventually ate the brain-like fungus growing from a tree outside their home. I would offer to eat this, but it's hard and totally unappetizing. Plus I think the baby devil is maturing inside. Maybe I'll eat him when he's ready.

Horrors Outdoors

I was taking my dog to do his business when I noticed there was a dinosaur in the pond.

Go ahead and click that picture to enlarge it. Look at its head. It looks like someone peeled the flesh off a pterodactyl. What the hell is going on there?

Look at that wingspan! The beast was circling around small whales, tricking hippos into thinking the tips of its wings were all they had to worry about before snapping up entire schools of dolphins in its enormous beak. I thought I had seen the worst, but I wasn't prepared for what came next.

It peed! Have you ever seen a bird pee? It was like someone turned a fire truck's hose on full blast. It caused the entire continent of Pangaea to rise 16 millimeters. The power of the stream drilled a hole through the center of the earth to China.

I need to consult my bird identification book.

Hallo-meme Costumes - Antoine Dodson

I have never been a big fan of the bagged, all-in-one costumes. For me, it's not a real costume until you've made your first trip to the thrift store and poured your first bottle of RIT dye. With that in mind, I have decided to outline winning costume ideas that you couldn't buy from the store, even if you wanted to.

You may not have heard the term meme (pronounced like 'beam') before, but you know what an Internet meme is. Memes are those viral videos that your friends spam to all of their e-mail contacts. They're quick and dirty, but they're funny or disturbing and there's just something about them that makes you want to click 'forward'.

I will be detailing both new and classic memes and what it will take to recreate those looks for your own Halloween parties. Don't worry about any of the costumes being too obscure. The cool people at your party will recognize who you're supposed to be and those who don't will be too ashamed to ask.

Up first-

WHO
Antoine Dodson

WTF
Hide your kids, hide your wife! Antoine Dodson was interviewed by a local NBC affiliate after an alleged home invasion and attack on his sister. Antoine wagged his finger in the face of all would-be attackers as he verbally berated the attempted assailant for being so dumb and leaving his t-shirt behind (from which Antoine assures the television audience that he will be able to extract finger prints).

The footage from the newscast started to go viral on its own, but when Auto-Tune the News stepped in and set Antoine's words to music, the whole world was suddenly singing "hide your kids, hide your wife."

HOW
An Antoine Dodson costume will require a black a-shirt, a red bandanna and a bountiful afro wig. But dressing as Antoine is only half the battle. If you want to parade around your party proclaiming your guests are "so dumb" then you better have the attitude to back it up. Antoine is one charismatic individual. Despite the simplicity of this costume's physical requirements, Antoine Dodson may actually be one of the more difficult costumes to pull off.

SOURCE MATERIAL
Bedroom Intruder (original newscast)

Bed Intruder (auto-tuned version)

Halloween Horror Nights - Scare Package

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
Rust covered irons and necks that have been bitten.
Halloween swag wrapped in blood covered burlap.
This is just some of my favorite crap.

Universal Orlando has received its share of fanfare in recent months surrounding the opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, but starting this weekend, the Boy Who Lived takes a backseat to the living dead as Halloween Horror Nights kicks off its twentieth year of fright and fun.

Now though Halloween, Universal transforms a number of its attractions into some of the most impressive haunted houses a Halloween fanatic could ever hope for. Universal employs thousands of Team Members specifically trained to scare the daylights out of anyone brave enough to set foot through the turnstiles.

The cost of admission is comparable to a day pass to the park, but Universal makes sure its guests get their money worth. "Scareactors" roam the streets, invading your personal space and sending groups running and screaming to the next haunted house.

Horror Nights is a big deal in Central Florida. Ticket stands are erected in Publix grocery stores and the local media heads to the park for live reports. In an effort to spread the word, this year Universal sent out special "scare packages" to select individuals along with an invitation to the event. The parcel arrived in this "blood" coated wooden box that opens to reveal a double-X branding iron, signifying the twentieth year of Horror Nights.

Notice the faint hand print on the fabric? Nice touch.

As I have mentioned in the past, I love free stuff. I especially love free stuff that not everyone has access to. I'm not important enough for Universal to send me free promotional items, but luckily I have a friend who is. I'm going to make that my goal; become important enough that people send me free stuff. If anyone out there needs their product reviewed, send me a sample, I'll be kind.

Hip Bones - Greatest Skeleton Action Figures of All Time (Part 1 of TBD)

I have a bad habit of waiting too long to flip the pages on my DOMO wall calendar. I missed almost all of June this year. I blame my habitual calendar tardiness mostly on apathy; I don't actually use the calendar as a calendar; I just like the big pictures of DOMO. But maybe, just maybe, there is a small part of me who is desperately trying to slow the proverbial sands of time from falling through the hourglass.

Even though October is still more than a week out, I can feel Halloween slipping away. Soon I will be lamenting that I waited too long to put together a costume and I never found anywhere to go to wear said costume. From the corner of my eye, I can see Christmas lights and tinsel encroaching on the ghosts and goblins. Hold your reindeer, Santa, you can have all of November and December to be fat and merry. Let Halloween have its time in the spotlight.

This Halloween countdown needs a shot in the arm and if there's one thing that can inspire a blog more than a countdown, it's a countdown within a countdown - all Inception style, y'all. Thus, I present the Greatest Skeleton Action Figures of All Time countdown.

I won't set any limits on this countdown. It could theoretically continue until next Halloween. Unlike Frankenstein and the Mummy, skeletons are universally accepted all year round, so why limit what will undoubtedly be the greatest countdown in the history of countdowns?

That would be a bone-headed thing to do! (Yeaaaaaaaaaah!)

Bad-to-the-Bone Ghost (The Real Ghostbusters)
When Columbia Pictures released Ghostbusters in 1984, they were sued by Filmation, the company responsible for The Ghost Busters, a paranormal detective comedy series produced in 1975. The lawsuit was settled out of court and Columbia agreed to amend the name of its animated Ghostbuters adaptation to resolve any confusion between it and Filmation's Ghost Busters. Hence The Real Ghostbusters.

Unlike Mattel's current line of movie-based Ghostbusters, Kenner wasn't afraid of no ghosts. The Real Ghostbusters line included an entire sub-set of ghosts for the heroes to tangle with. Bad-to-the-Bone Ghost, H2Ghost and Bug-Eye Ghost joined the already established Stay Puft Marhsmellow Man and Slimer in the first series of ghouls. Bad-to-the-Bone Ghost was one of my favorite figures despite the obvious handicap of not being a ghost. He was larger than the human figures, so kids could trap the Ghostbusters inside his ribcage while the tortured figure's head stuck up through Bone Ghost's skull.

The origins of the specters in the Ghostbuster universe have always remained a mystery to me. Some were clearly the remnants of the dearly departed, but others appeared as if they were never human. From the waist up, you could assume Bone Ghost was the skeletal remains of an abnormally large human, but instead of legs, Bone Ghost stood on a crescent appendage resembling a fish tale. Was Bad-to-the-Bone Ghost a mermaid or did Hasbro's design team run out of steam before they could sculpt a proper set of legs?

Halloween Blogstravaganza - Gummy Face

Gummy Faces - bouncing here and there and all over the places - high adventure that's beyond normal paces - they are the Gummy Faces.

There, now you have the Adventures of Gummi Bears theme song stuck in your head. Enjoy humming that tune for the next three days. Once it's in, you can't get it out!

Speaking of getting things out, Walmart has finally started to roll out their Halloween selection. Finally. It's almost the third week of September! Even the curmudgeons who complain about stores putting out their holiday displays earlier and earlier every year were starting to wonder what the hold up was.

Whereas Target traditionally creates a theme or a set of characters to incorporate into much of their Halloween fare, Walmart tends to go the more generic route. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. I'm not entirely thrilled with Target's little monsters motif this year, so Walmart's broader approach to the season may actually be more appealing.

Gummy candies have become huge in recent years; both in popularity and sheer size. Last year there were giant gummy frogs filled with goo that you could dissect with an included scalpel. This year there are faces. The frog was probably more appealing.

The Gummy Face is about the size of my hand; significantly smaller than a normal human face. That's a little disappointing, especially considering the Gummy Face is made up of a thin layer of gummy candy and is not an entire solid head as you might expect.

The face also looks disproving. He does not agree with the choices you have made. Maybe that's more incentive to eat him. I also would have liked it if they had drawn some eyebrows on Mr. Gummy Face. A mustache would have been great, too, but that's more of a personal preference. A gummy version of Wooly Willy with Nerds-like candy for the hair instead of magnet balls sounds like a cracker jack idea to me.

Somebody get me the number for Willy Wonka!

I didn't think to look at the nutritional information on the back of the box, but I bet the serving size is one face and really, that makes up for any of Gummy Face's downfalls.

Magic and mystery - a part of their history - along with the secret of Gummy Face juice - their legend is growing -  they take pride in knowing - they'll fight for what's right - in whatever they do!

Halloween Blogstravaganza - Truth Lies Six Feet Under

There are plenty of ghouls getting hitched this Halloween. This happy couple is just one example of the many matrimonial adornments I have already unearthed this season. You can find this pair hanging alongside the undead ensemble at Big Lots. At fifteen dollars each, they're not quite the great deal the ensemble is, but who can put a price tag on true love?

On a related note-

My girlfriend is somewhat of a compulsive liar; specifically in situations where the truth would suffice.

A couple years back, when my girlfriend and I were living up North, we planned a pilgrimage to Salem, Massachusetts on Halloween. The area is historic for the Salem witch trials and subsequent Salem witch burnings that took place around what is now present day Salem. Throughout October, scores of costumed out-of-towners swarm upon the normally sleepy town, but to be present on Halloween proper is to witness a special kind of spectacle.

When my girlfriend requested the day off from her job, she - for reasons known only to her - felt that going to Salem on Halloween wasn't a good enough excuse to miss work. (Keep in mind that, at no point, did anyone ask her why she was taking a day off.) Instead, she constructed an elaborate fib that had us attending a Halloween themed wedding in Salem. How romantic.

The lie itself was believable enough on its own (again, no one ever asked), but my girlfriend wanted proof (albeit fabricated) to back up her embellishment. She assumed that since we were attending a wedding, her co-workers would naturally bug her to see photos from the event (they didn't).

To accommodate her co-workers' hypothetical request, my girlfriend proceeded to print out photos she found on the internet of an actual Halloween-themed wedding. Not the wedding of anyone we know, mind you, but a Halloween-themed wedding none the less.

Their cake looked delicious!

Halloween Blogstravaganza - Subliminal Pac-Man

Pac-Man, as we know him, was originally intended to be named Puck Man in the United States, after "paku-paku", the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound made by opening and closing one's mouth. However, the game's creators were concerned that the name "Puck Man" would be too easily vandalized. (Source: Scott Pilgrim vs the World)

Despite appearances to contrary, this is not Pac-Man; but "Inflatable Runaway Ghosts" are not fooling anyone. These three ghosts might as well be wearing name tags that read Blinky, Pinky and Inky (Clyde not seen here), because there is no way to objectionably look at this box art and not associate the characters with Pac-Man.

Even the font they chose for the "trick or treat" banner looks similar to the blocky "game over" you inevitably see after losing your last life.

Actually, upon closer examination, nowhere does it mention that the Pac-o-lantern is even included with this set. If Walmart expects me to pay 50-dollars for three gumdrop shaped, Pac-imposter ghosts, then they have another think coming.

Epilogue: I wasn't sure about the idiom I chose for that last sentence, so I googled what, I thought, was the actual phrase; "they have another thing coming." Apparently the correct expression is think, not thing, which I think is stupid. I also thought it was "wise tales" instead of "wives' tales".

Normally I could care less, but--dammit, that's another one!

Non Denominational October Holiday Blogstravaganza

Christmas may be the de facto holiday of choice for most, but tinsel and ribbon can't hold a candy corn-scented candle to giant inflatable jackolanterns and animatronic dancing skeletons. For that reason (and more) I have decided to dedicate the next 8-12 weeks of blog entries to celebrating the holiday that somehow makes me even more excited to shop at Target: Halloween!

Some may say that the first week of September is too early to start celebrating Halloween. But some people like Justin Bieber. You can't let the opinions of others direct your life. If you want to buy zombie wall hangings in September, then you go right ahead. Target, Walmart and Big Lots have your back.

Speaking of the latter, our first Halloween Blogtravaganza entry comes from the land of discount home furnishings; Big Lots. For me at least, Target has become the go-to store for devilish decor, but Big Lots have really stepped up their game this year.

This trio of hanging horrors are legitimately spooky. Most mainstream stores tend to cater to the silly or cute side of Halloween, but Big Lots is clearly going for the throat with their selection. I think the zombie in the middle is supposed to be screaming, but it looks more like he's belting out a powerful note in an all-living-dead opera.

These guys are about 12-inches tall from the tips of their rotting heads to the bottom of their flowing robes. Their arms are made of bendy wire, so you can pose them in all sorts of evil or embarrassing positions. They're only 5 bucks, so you should buy all three and keep the family together.